life is meaningless to me..

2day was super mood swing..excited at the beginning to dissappointment at last..why?here i tell the story..

me n hui yun went to find mr sami regarding to oiap stuffs...we r confirmed posted to HK...n we knew the company that we r going to work at there...but the most important thing is we need to settle the application of visa thing by tml..

went violin prac cause got performance on sun..but i think i canot go ba..we went alumni clubhouse to eat dinner..but me, er jie n zhen qi were super full..don know why..so me n er jie shared 1 seafood hor fun..but it was not nice de..cause got those "cao da" smell..eee..zhen qi even never finish 1/2 of her fried rice..

super irrited by shaun..i also don know why..others ask me why colour my hair..i will reply them nicely..but when he asked..i started to suan him..ha..

prac was not fun at all..n i had to leave at 8.30p.m..cause need to reach home by 9.30p.m...n there goes my dissappointment..my phone don know why don have connection at 10++p.m...but my mother think that i never go prac..n i purposely switch off phone n refuse to pick up her call..when actually i received none..i explanied to her..but she think that i was shooting back to her..she forced me to hand her my phone..haiz..she don even trust her own daughter..wat can i say?

eventually..all these started up cause she having quarrel with my father...n thus..se throw her temper on me..n i became the victim..last time..i will not hate my father..but i don know why..i hate him ytd..cause he started up this nuisance with her..but when she throw temper on me..he never help me to settle at all..n he even went to sleep!argh!i hate this kind of family..why am i so unfortunate to be born here?

i had such a unresonable mother..i keep thinking that why she can't just trust me at all?am i not her daughter?am i a maid to her?that she can throw her temper on me?i started to cry while i wanted to sleep..cry until my whole body trembles..i suddenly feel myself very weak..canot control my emotion like last time..i was such a loser..i promised myself not to cry even get all these treatments from her..but..i failed..at that point of time..i feel like rushing out of the door..away from this place..away from this haunted house..BUT..i still didn't..cause i can only continue to study if i stay..

As i cried..my nose r blocked..n i can't breathe at all..i started to think..if i can't breathe now..will i die like this?i really tried not to breathe..cause i find my life very meaningless..why not just die like this?everything will be settled..i will forever not hear her scolding..no need to do housework..no need to bother about everything..i stop breathing for 1/2 min..n i started to feel restless..n i sit up..blow my nose..n think again..maybe i should carry on my path..n not ending like this..cause i still have others who cared for me..showing me concern n care..n is them..who pulled me up..so..i shall be staying happy n laugh as i wan to..cause i deserve it..